fuck im leaking...

.github/workflows/ci.yml

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+name: CI
+
+on:
+  push:
+    branches: [master, main]
+  pull_request:
+
+jobs:
+  test:
+    name: ${{ matrix.os }} / stable
+    runs-on: ${{ matrix.os }}
+    strategy:
+      fail-fast: false
+      matrix:
+        os: [ubuntu-latest, macos-latest, windows-latest]
+
+    steps:
+      - uses: actions/checkout@v4
+
+      - name: Install Rust (stable)
+        uses: dtolnay/rust-toolchain@stable
+        with:
+          components: rustfmt, clippy
+
+      - uses: Swatinem/rust-cache@v2
+
+      - name: cargo fmt
+        run: cargo fmt --all -- --check
+
+      - name: cargo clippy
+        run: cargo clippy --release --all-targets -- -D warnings
+
+      - name: cargo build
+        run: cargo build --release
+
+      - name: cargo test
+        run: cargo test --release

.github/workflows/release.yml

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+name: Release
+
+on:
+  push:
+    tags: ['v*']
+
+permissions:
+  contents: write
+
+jobs:
+  build:
+    name: ${{ matrix.target }}
+    runs-on: ${{ matrix.os }}
+    strategy:
+      fail-fast: false
+      matrix:
+        include:
+          - os: ubuntu-latest
+            target: x86_64-unknown-linux-gnu
+            ext: ''
+          - os: ubuntu-latest
+            target: aarch64-unknown-linux-gnu
+            ext: ''
+            cross: true
+          - os: macos-latest
+            target: x86_64-apple-darwin
+            ext: ''
+          - os: macos-latest
+            target: aarch64-apple-darwin
+            ext: ''
+          - os: windows-latest
+            target: x86_64-pc-windows-msvc
+            ext: '.exe'
+
+    steps:
+      - uses: actions/checkout@v4
+
+      - name: Install Rust
+        uses: dtolnay/rust-toolchain@stable
+        with:
+          targets: ${{ matrix.target }}
+
+      - uses: Swatinem/rust-cache@v2
+
+      - name: Install cross-toolchain (Linux aarch64)
+        if: matrix.cross == true
+        run: |
+          sudo apt-get update
+          sudo apt-get install -y gcc-aarch64-linux-gnu
+          echo "CARGO_TARGET_AARCH64_UNKNOWN_LINUX_GNU_LINKER=aarch64-linux-gnu-gcc" >> "$GITHUB_ENV"
+
+      - name: Build release
+        run: cargo build --release --target ${{ matrix.target }}
+
+      - name: Stage artifact
+        shell: bash
+        env:
+          TARGET: ${{ matrix.target }}
+          EXT: ${{ matrix.ext }}
+          REF_NAME: ${{ github.ref_name }}
+        run: |
+          mkdir -p dist
+          BIN="target/${TARGET}/release/wipedicks${EXT}"
+          OUT="wipedicks-${REF_NAME}-${TARGET}"
+          mkdir -p "dist/${OUT}"
+          cp "${BIN}" "dist/${OUT}/"
+          cp readme.md "dist/${OUT}/"
+          cd dist
+          if [[ "${EXT}" == ".exe" ]]; then
+            7z a "${OUT}.zip" "${OUT}"
+          else
+            tar czf "${OUT}.tar.gz" "${OUT}"
+          fi
+
+      - name: Upload to release
+        uses: softprops/action-gh-release@v2
+        with:
+          files: |
+            dist/*.tar.gz
+            dist/*.zip

CONTRIBUTING.md

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+# Contributing (Sword Fighters Wanted)
+
+![Sword Fighting](https://media.giphy.com/media/l1ugaivowDSqyE3KM/giphy.gif)
+
+Want to cross streams? Pull requests are welcome. Before you start whittling, read this end to end — the project has a load-bearing tone and a strict tooling bar, and most rejected PRs would have been merges if the contributor had skimmed the rules first.
+
+## The vibe (three rules)
+
+1. **Truth wraps in jokes, not the other way around.** Every comment, doc-string, error message, and `--help` line is a dick joke as the wrapper around the technical payload. If the joke obscures the truth, the joke loses. If the truth has no joke, that's also fine — comments earn their place by being load-bearing.
+
+2. **Default to no comments.** Rust's identifiers and types do most of the documenting. Only comment when the *why* is non-obvious (a hidden invariant, a workaround, a perf detail, a platform quirk). Then dress that *why* in the project voice.
+
+3. **The joke is about dicks and sex acts. Not about people.** Anything that punches down — slurs, bigotry, harassment of named individuals — gets rejected on sight regardless of how clever the wrapper is. `--gay` (rainbow mode) and `--rape` (override safe-word) are project-internal *action-shape* names, not pejoratives aimed at anyone. If you can't tell the difference, this isn't the project for you.
+
+## Voice cheat-sheet
+
+Examples pulled verbatim from the codebase. Read these before you write your own.
+
+### Good — `--help` doc string (lives in `src/cli.rs`)
+
+```rust
+/// Take it slow, big boy. One penis per write(2). Useful for sanity
+/// comparison or terminals with a kink for tiny syscalls. ~5000x more
+/// syscalls than the buffered path.
+#[arg(short = 's', long)]
+pub slow: bool,
+```
+
+The joke (basic missionary / one-penis-per-write) sits *on top of* the technical claim (one `write(2)` per generated dick, useful for syscall-count comparison, ~5000× ratio against the buffered path). The reader gets both.
+
+### Good — module header (lives in `src/safety.rs`)
+
+```rust
+//! Cock-block department. Stops you from face-fucking your /etc/ when your
+//! hand slipped, your /boot/ when you meant /tmp/, or the swap file your
+//! kernel is currently using to remember things.
+```
+
+Names the module's job, then lists the actual hazards it catches.
+
+### Good — invariant comment (lives in `src/wipe.rs`)
+
+```rust
+// Refill ONCE per round. Within a round we rewrite the same dicks for
+// every chunk: the content is non-cryptographic ASCII art, so reusing
+// the buffer is invisible. Across rounds we get fresh variety.
+buf.fill();
+```
+
+A load-bearing perf note. Tells future-you (or future-contributor-you) why this isn't an accidental optimization to undo.
+
+### Bad — sterile rewrite
+
+```rust
+/// Disables buffered writing for compatibility purposes.
+pub slow: bool,
+```
+
+Accurate, but kills the voice. PRs that "professionalize" existing copy get closed.
+
+### Bad — joke with no payload
+
+```rust
+// nut nut nut
+buf.fill();
+```
+
+This is the joke without the why. Either explain the perf reason or delete the comment.
+
+### Bad — punching at people
+
+```rust
+// only <slur> would name a variable this badly
+```
+
+Hard no, regardless of how true it feels in the moment.
+
+## Code style + tooling
+
+Reproduce locally before pushing. CI on `ubuntu-latest`, `macos-latest`, and `windows-latest` runs all four:
+
+```bash
+cargo fmt --all -- --check                           # exit 0
+cargo clippy --release --all-targets -- -D warnings  # exit 0, no warnings
+cargo build --release                                # exit 0
+cargo test --release                                 # all tests pass
+```
+
+- **Rust 2021, snake_case, no `unsafe`.** If you genuinely need `unsafe`, justify it in the PR description.
+- **Errors via `anyhow`.** Bubble to `main` and print with `{:#}` so the context chain shows up.
+- **Per-platform code uses `#[cfg(target_os = "...")]`.** The fallback branch always compiles cleanly — silence dead-code warnings on non-supported platforms via `#[cfg_attr(not(target_os = "linux"), allow(dead_code))]` on the enum, not blanket `#[allow(dead_code)]`.
+- **New deps need a one-line justification in the PR description.** We prefer leaning on existing crates (`indicatif`, `wide`, `console`, `anyhow`, `clap`, `ctrlc`, `rand`) over pulling in new ones for marginal wins.
+- **Public items** (`pub fn` / `pub struct` / `pub enum`) get a doc-string in the project voice. **Private items** don't, unless the *why* is non-obvious.
+
+## Module layout (so your PR lands in the right file)
+
+| Module | What it does |
+|---|---|
+| `main.rs` | Arg parse → safety check → drive policy → bounded thread pool → exit code. |
+| `cli.rs` | clap derive `Args` + per-flag `--help` copy. **Touch this and you change user-visible help text.** Match the existing voice. |
+| `dicks.rs` | The actual penis generator. SIMD batched fill via `wide::u8x32`, per-thread `SmallRng`. |
+| `wipe.rs` | `wipe_file`, `wipe_freespace`, `verify_file`. Cleanup pass always runs. |
+| `drive.rs` | SSD/NVMe detection + refusal + `--secure-erase` delegation. Linux + macOS supported; Windows is a stub. |
+| `safety.rs` | Path-safety guard. System dirs, swap, mounted devices. `--rape` bypasses. |
+| `cleanup.rs` | Process-wide ctrl-c cleanup registry. |
+| `progress.rs` | indicatif bars + the `VERBS` table for completion messages. |
+
+If your PR touches more than two of these, it should probably be two PRs.
+
+## PR checklist
+
+- [ ] One concern per PR. Refactors stay separate from feature work.
+- [ ] PR description matches the project voice. Bullet points are fine; corpo-speak is not.
+- [ ] CI green on Linux, macOS, Windows.
+- [ ] Tests added if you introduced a public function with non-trivial behavior.
+- [ ] If you added or removed a CLI flag, the README's `<details>All options</details>` block stays in sync.
+- [ ] For big changes (>200 LOC or a new module): open an issue first to align on the approach. We don't want anyone burning a weekend on a PR we'd close.
+
+## What we want
+
+- **Pick up `help wanted` issues.**
+- **Bug reports with reproduction steps.** What you ran, what happened, what you expected, what OS + Rust version.
+- **New completion verbs** for the `VERBS` table in `src/progress.rs`. Submit a PR adding one or three, each with color / bold / italic / emoji choices. Keep them on-brand.
+- **More `--shaft-*` / `--jizz-*` knobs** that make the generator more configurable without exploding the flag list.
+
+## What we don't want
+
+- **"Modernization" PRs that swap our tone for boilerplate corporate copy.** The voice is the project.
+- **Heavy new dependencies.** No `tokio`, no async runtimes, no web servers, no GUI toolkits. This is a single-binary CLI.
+- **New override flags layered on top of `--rape`.** One nuclear safe-word is enough.
+- **Anything that breaks the SSD-refusal default.** SSD-safety is the load-bearing feature; if you have a real reason to bypass it on a specific run, `--rape` already exists.
+
+## The actual social contract
+
+- Be a person to other contributors. Disagreement is fine; ad hominem is not.
+- Maintainer reviews when maintainer reviews. Pinging "any update?" after 7+ days is fine; pinging hourly is not.
+- If your PR sits unmerged for 2+ weeks with no maintainer response, ping in the PR thread. If it sits for 4+ weeks, escalate by tagging in the issue tracker.
+
+8====D~~~