Copy edit and slightly tone down front page #1065
Conversation
finagolfin
requested review from
0xTim,
alexandersandberg,
davelester,
daveverwer,
dempseyatgithub,
kaishin,
shahmishal,
timsneath and
federicobucchi
as code owners
| @@ -53,11 +53,11 @@ atom: true | |||
| <section id="pillar-1" class="section pillar"> | |||
| <div class="pillar-wrapper content-wrapper"> | |||
| <p class="pillar-intro"> | |||
| Swift is the only language that scales from embedded devices and kernels to apps and cloud infrastructure. It’s simple, and expressive, with incredible performance and safety. And it has unmatched interoperability with C and C++. | |||
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Mainly got rid of "only language" because the first sentence above already establishes that it is a programming language- no need to restate it- but some people also felt "only" was an exaggeration.
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cc: @timsneath |
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@Lancelotbronner, I'd rather keep this focused on copy editing. As I noted above, I only made content changes to read better, and incidentally to tone it down in two places. If you want to make adjustments based on toning it down in other places, I suggest you open your own pull for that, as I'd rather not expand this pull further. |
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@federicobucchi, I don't know who has to sign off on these copy edits, mind reviewing? |
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Thank you for your contributions, @finagolfin! I left several comments -- happy to discuss further.
| @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ | |||
| } | |||
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| - title: Expressive | |||
| subtitle: Concise code. Powerful results. | |||
| subtitle: Concise code, powerful results. | |||
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Stylistically could we leave this subtitle as-is?
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My correction is how it would've been written in the past, but there has certainly been a modern trend towards this style. Up to the authors, just giving my suggestion.
| @@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ | |||
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| - title: Safe | |||
| subtitle: Protect memory safety. | |||
| text: Swift prioritizes safety and eliminates entire classes of bugs and vulnerabilities by its design. Memory safety and data race safety are core features of the language, making them straightforward to integrate into your codebase. Safety is required at compile time, before your applications are ever run. | |||
| text: Swift prioritizes safety and eliminates entire classes of bugs and vulnerabilities by its design. Memory and data race safety are core features of the language, making them straightforward to integrate into your codebase. Safety is required at compile time, before your applications are ever run. | |||
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I recommend we leave this as-is so we maintain "memory safety" as a keyword.
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The problem is that the word safety is used five times in the original, which is excessive. Memory safety is already in the subtitle, so I figured we could hammer it home one less in this ungrammatical way.
| subtitle: Adopt in existing code incrementally. | ||
| text: Swift provides unmatched interoperability with its combination of natively understanding C and C++ types without the need for foreign function interfaces, and by providing bridging for bi-directional access. Swift’s interoperability features allow you to incrementally adopt the language into existing codebases without requiring a full code rewrite. | ||
| subtitle: Adopt Swift in existing code incrementally. | ||
| text: Swift provides unmatched interoperability, with its combination of natively understanding C and C++ types, without the need for foreign function interfaces, and providing bridging for bi-directional access. Swift’s interoperability features allow you to incrementally insert the language into existing codebases without requiring a full code rewrite. |
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I recommend we stick with the original version, including "adopt" which aligns with the incremental adoption story of the language.
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Other than the grammatical improvements, I added those two words to emphasize that this is about inserting Swift into existing C/C++ codebases, not the other way around.
| </p> | ||
| <br /> | ||
| <p class="pillar-intro"> | ||
| It's the combination of approachability, speed, safety, and all of<br class="hide-small"/> Swift’s strengths that make it so unique. | ||
| It's the combination of approachability, speed, safety, and all of<br class="hide-small"/> Swift’s strengths that make it unique. |
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The so is added emphasis, but I can see how saying something is "so unique" may not land. How about we move "unique" earlier in the statement, and change unique to powerful?
I recommend this revision: "It's the unique combination of approachability, speed, safety, and all of Swift's strengths that make it so powerful.
Let me know if you'd like to incorporate the change, otherwise I'm happy to open an additional PR.
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| - title: Adaptable | |||
| subtitle: From microcontrollers to servers. | |||
| text: "The only language that can span from embedded and kernel, to server and apps. Swift excels no matter where it’s used: from constrained environments like firmware where every byte counts, to cloud services handling billions of requests a day." | |||
| text: "The only language that can span from embedded and kernel to server and apps. Swift excels no matter where it’s used, from constrained environments like firmware, where every byte counts, to cloud services handling billions of requests a day." | |||
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I'd recommend that we remove "only language" here as well. Perhaps changing it to "Swift spans from"?
Light edit of new front page copy, some of it matter of taste.